The Uncomfortable Talks by Bill Skiles Talk Number 15 Crucifixion
This is Sunday, May 5th, 2013. Or Cinco de Mayo as it is called where I grew up in Southern California. We have just completed, most of us, perhaps all of us, listening to Herb Fitch’s series of talks from the 1990 Chicago Healing seminar and before that the Preparation talks and before that the talks I made called The Uncomfortable Talks, and this talk today might be another one of those Uncomfortable Talks. Because today we’re going to take the veil off. We’re going to remove the veil today, now – and as you know, Jesus was crucified for removing that veil because he made himself “equal with God.” So be still, be receptive. Listen to your own indwelling Presence and let the veil be lifted from before your eyes.
I am going to guess that everyone listening to this talk knows what the veil is. It’s had many names. Some have called it the glass darkly. That would be a dark veil, wouldn’t it? Some have called it illusion, Satan, Maya, hypnotism, duality, universal belief in good and evil, the belief in two powers, or sense perception, or personal sense. We’ve all read where Joel talks about the need to surrender, come up over personal sense, and that the personal sense of existence will bar one from the kingdom of heaven. And we see that, we read it. Perhaps we understand it intellectually, and then we put down the book, eject the tape, turn off the CD, click off the MP3 player, and we get up and we go about our business as a person. And maybe we remember once a day to think about God or read about God or hear about God. Maybe we even become still as a person and attempt to meditate on God. And yet the veil is not lifted. Still we continue in a sense of me and God.
You can see that this thing called personal sense is – well, it doesn’t want to move, does it? Yet that’s the very veil that covers a realization of God. Surely you know now, because I know I’ve pointed it out, what realization is. Or maybe you only know what realization is not, which is also helpful. A realization of God is not when you sit down and think and ponder God’s magnificence. When you sit down and envision in your mind, infinite, an infinite being, an infinite Presence. When you sit down and ponder the glory of infinite love, an endless sea of love. You contemplate these things in your mind, and yet there’s still a you contemplating a being. There’s still two, and if there’s two, the veil has not lifted.
It’s very stubborn, this sense perception. It does not go back just 40 or 50 years. It goes back 40 or 50 centuries at least. Do you remember when you were a child and perhaps you had a pet and that pet died? If you were unfortunate, it ran out under a car and was killed. Or perhaps it just lived out its years and at 17 or 18 it passed away. I remember as a child a neighbor poisoning one of our animals and so it died. Do you remember praying to God up in the sky somewhere it would take care of your little pet? I do. I always had a belief in God and I prayed, “Take care of Fluffy.” And you know – there is no such God. I was praying to a belief. Not only that, I wasn’t even praying to my own belief. I was praying to a universal belief. There’s no such God up in the sky. None whatsoever. Yet many of us prayed to just that belief, didn’t we?
And you remember going to church if you did? I remember being sent to Vacation Bible School because my mother was working and there was no one to watch us, so she thought that that would be a good place to keep us busy while she worked until she got off and could come pick us up. So off we went to Vacation Bible School even though my mother was an atheist she said, and there was no dad around, so she sent us to Vacation Bible School and there we learned to color and work with crafts and sing songs and go on field trips and be taught about a man named Jesus. And I remember saying to the – well, it was the middle of the day, late morning, and we were working on crafts of some sort. Think we were gluing tongue depressors together making little cabins out of ‘em or something, or maybe making crosses and decorating the crosses – something like that. And there was a man up front and I raised my hand and he called on me and I said, “Where is God?” or “Who is God?” – something like that. I remember he looked kind of frustrated with me like he didn’t want that kind of a question coming from a six-year-old, seven-year-old, and so he said, “That’s God,” and he pointed to a picture of Jesus up on the wall, and that’s the one with him looking sideways and the long, curly hair and the light glow around his head. I think that really that’s a picture of King James, but anyway he pointed to that picture and he said, “There’s Jesus and uh, I mean there’s God, that’s God.” He seemed kind of short.
Anyway, soon after that he announced a recess and everybody got up and ran outside to play and his aides and himself went outside to watch the children, but I remained behind and no one was looking and I walked up over to that picture of Jesus and I looked for God and I looked and I looked. I could not find him and suddenly this inner voice said, “That’s not God, that’s a man.” I heard it as plain as that. “That’s not God, that’s a man.” And I stopped looking and I went outside to play and I forgot the whole experience. I never thought about it again until 30 years later.
So some people have the concept of God as Jesus, the man that walked around 2000 some-odd years ago and taught. They have the concept that he is half man and half God, the only son of God, the only begotten son of God. God in human flesh. And so they pray to Jesus. And I had a particularly desperate time in my life when I was – oh, 18, 19 – I think it was 19. Everything in my life was falling apart. My wife wanted nothing to do with me. We’d only been married two years. I lost my job and was fired. They said I had an attitude that the world owed me a living, and I hated my guts and I was contemplating suicide, how I might exit this world, which I hated. Hated the world and everyone in it, but more than anything else, I hated myself and I wished that I was dead. And I remember praying, but feeling nothing. No return, nothing.
I wasn’t even sure if there was a God. I started to think people are fooling themselves. Maybe Mother’s right. Maybe there is no God. People are just calling it God and it’s really them. And yet, I wanted – I wanted there to be a God. I really wanted there to be a God, something that I could turn to other than myself. Oh, how I hated myself! And one particularly lonely night I walked in front of a stained glass window on the side of a church and I looked up there, and there was a picture of Jesus and he had a lamb or – yeah, he had a lamb in his arm. He was holding a lamb, and I looked at that picture and I prayed to the picture, “Oh, please help me. Show me how to live. I’ll do anything.”
And I waited, and I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. Because you see, that’s not God. That’s a concept. It’s a picture of a concept of a man that supposedly lived 2000 years ago that was the only son of God. And that concept, the Christian concept, didn’t work. I prayed to it and nothing happened. And I suppose if something had happened and a cloud had opened and I would have heard a voice at that point, you might be finding me on a John Hagee program or – uh, ah yes, Pat Robertson. (chuckles) I looked it up. Pat Robertson. I’d probably teamed up with him or with John Hagee down in Texas or something because I would have been a Christian if I prayed to Jesus and the sky opened and I heard a voice say, “Follow me.” But that didn’t happen.
But you know, at the same time that I was going through that I was going to a little room in the back of I think it was the Green Hotel in south Pasadena and I was listening one night a week to tapes of Joel Goldsmith. And I was really out of place because I was 19 years old and there’s all these old fogies in there, people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s – and me, 19. I never did fit in real well with people my age. I think I got here as a senior citizen. But anyway, I was listening to Joel Goldsmith and I couldn’t make it work. I understood – I had a really good intellectual understanding of the principles, but I couldn’t feel any of it.
And so I prayed to that stained glass picture of Jesus and nothing happened, because there is no such God. I’m not saying there’s no such entity, being, as Jesus. Please don’t hear that, because I’m not. I love Jesus Christ. I really do, and I have felt his presence many times during my life, but that night I didn’t. And that night the prayer did not work because that’s not God. That’s a man. That’s a man with a consciousness of God. And so it didn’t work for me. That did not remove the veil. And even if it had, if I had had an experience I would still have me and Jesus. I would still have two.
And so onward I went until finally in a few months after that I found myself on my front porch steps at two in the morning or three in the morning and I cried out and I said, “God, Jesus, Buddha, Christ, Cosmic Consciousness – anything, anywhere – I’ll do anything if you show me how to live.” And inside myself a stone had been pushed away because inside myself I had become teachable. I had most of the prayers in the Bible memorized and yet I became teachable in that early morning. I was willing to do anything if I could just know God aright. And it didn’t come right away. No, it didn’t come right away. And yet there was a strange freedom because I was no longer trying to pretend. Now I could do like Joel recommended and I could ask inside, “Father, God reveal yourself.” And my total being became that prayer: “Father, reveal yourself.”
And one night a few weeks or a month or two later I was sitting in my living room. I had just finished reading something in The Art of Meditation. I closed the book and I put it down, I closed my eyes, and suddenly there was a Presence there with me, and that’s the only way I can describe it. There was a Presence. And there was a touch on the side of my face, a tingling feeling as if – as if entering my being, within and yet without, all around and yet touching my face. Very strange.
And with it came a sense of peace and I knew it was – it was Father revealing Itself. And I rested and relaxed in that Presence. And I can tell you from that moment, which was 1973, until this moment, and it’s 2013 – so what does that make that? How many years is that? That’s exactly 40 years, isn’t it? Forty years, and I’ve never, ever, ever been without that Presence. Oh, I don’t mean it’s there all the time during the day and night every single day and night. That’s not what I mean. I mean it’s there at some time during the day and night. And sometimes it takes over and is running everything. At other times it lingers in the background, but that Presence, that Omnipresence, the conscious awareness of Omnipresence has never left my being.
Yet as I sat in that chair there was me and there was the Presence, still a state of duality. Still the veil was not lifted entirely. And perhaps all of you have had your own experience. Have you? Have you had the experience of feeling in your meditation the Presence? Have you felt what I have called the Spirit moving over the face of the deep within your being? Have you been consciously aware of invisible Self? Have you heard a still, small voice? Have you felt lifted up by a divine light? Have you felt – well, here’s what Joel says. Joel says:
My sense of God is that of an indescribable Presence and feeling. I do not know God except through feeling. I feel the Presence all through me, through my chest, through my fingertips. No matter what the external circumstances are, even when at times they might seem discordant, I am always conscious of this Presence, a sensing, a feeling, an awareness.
And he comes closest to describing what I experience, because I also call it a Presence, or the Presence, or just It or I. At any rate, it is something that I feel. I feel its movement through my being, and I can’t describe that any better than he could. What did he mean when he said he feels that Presence moving through his chest? I do not know. I do not know. I’ve asked him, but he’s never shown me. What do I mean when I say to you I feel the movement of Spirit over the face of the deep? I feel it move across the waters of my inner consciousness. You – you don’t know, and I can’t describe it. But I know that’s what it is when I feel its movement.
So perhaps you’ve had your own experience as light. Maybe you felt flooded with divine love or perhaps resting back on a sea of Spirit or floating on a cloud of unknowing. However you have experienced the Presence, you surely must have by now, if you are one of the 19 or 20 people listening to these Uncomfortable Talks, surely you must have felt the Presence somewhere, sometime.
And you’ve prayed to this Presence, haven’t you? I know you have because I have. And perhaps it did not respond. Maybe there was no response because you located that Presence that you felt somewhere out there. Maybe you located that Presence in the deity of Jesus the Christ. Maybe you located that Presence in Siddhartha, in Buddha. Maybe you’ve located that Presence in Krishna or maybe even Moses, Elijah, Joel Goldsmith, Herb Fitch. Maybe you’ve located that Presence in Bill Skiles. And if you have and you’ve prayed to it, I am sure you’ve had no response because you still have me and that Presence.
And that my dear friends is the veil. That’s the veil. Now how do you have the veil removed? Well, over here there’s a chapter in Beyond Words and Thoughts called Truth Unveiled, and in it we are given a few hints. Listen.
On the Mount, in a high state of consciousness, Moses realized I AM, and thereby became I AM. Yet, there remained … a sense of Moses as is evidenced by the fact that he spoke of himself as being slow of speech. [And so he still had the I AM Presence and Moses, did he not?]
Jesus, however, not only knew the truth but realized and became the Truth: “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” [Or I am the Presence.] Nevertheless, a sense of Jesus, the man, remained, because he said, “I can of mine own self do nothing …. If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.” This personal sense of self had to be crucified, as … it must be in all of us, or we will not … [have the veil lifted].
Jesus’ realization of the need to crucify, or rise above, the … mortal sense of self, enabled him to make the ascension. [Now here’s the biggest clue I have ever found]. The ascension is always the same: a rising above mind, above knowing the truth, to Truth Itself.
And so the veil is the mind that knows the truth. The veil is the mind that knows God in the sky. The veil is the mind that knows God in a man, in Jesus. The veil is the mind that knows God as a Presence somewhere, here today, not here tomorrow, back again the next day. The veil is the mind that knows. Yet, how many times have we been told the natural mind receiveth not God, for God is known only through spiritual discernment. And so the veil is the mind that knows. This is the veil. This is the glass darkly.
Anything you can know with the mind, any truth you know with the mind, any truth you have ever known with the mind is the veil.
Now says Joel:
In many classes and even in some of the Writings, I have said … I did not understand the reason for the crucifixion of Jesus: why it took place or why it … [took] place if it had to. It puzzled me, and [I,] I … frankly admitted this [says Joel]. It was not until the year 1963, when I myself went through the experience [of crucifixion], that the reason and [the] need for the crucifixion of Christ Jesus was revealed to me.
Now here’s a man, Joel, who flatly declares right here in black and white plainly for all time that inside of his being the mind that knows, was crucified. He went through the experience, and he says:
… after [the] … experience, the memory of it passed from me, and I could not bring it to conscious recollection, until later the entire scene was revealed to me … when I went through the experience of ascension: that [of] rising above [the] mind [that knows] to [the experience of] Truth Itself.
Now what was the ascension again? The ascension is always the same: rising above mind, above knowing the truth to Truth Itself. And so if you would have the veil lifted today, then today must be your crucifixion. Today must be the day in which you go beyond a mind knowing God to God. Are you ready? Are you willing? Are you able? Be still. Close your eyes.
A couple of years ago I introduced to you once it was shown to me the 1955 Kailua study series. In that – I said close your eyes. Now close ‘em. In that study, the Kailua study series, we were given the talk Experience the Christ and Experiencing the Christ, and in those talks we were taught how to pray and how to go beyond knowing the truth to Truth Itself. We were given a method. We were told that when a problem was presented to us that we were to know no truth with the mind. We were simply to close our eyes, refuse to respond with any truth whatsoever and simply to stand stock still. You remember?
In this which Spirit gave us through Joel it was hoped that we would discover each of us what that inner feeling is when Christ, when the Spirit of the living God moves over the face of the deep and announces Itself. And if you have had that inner experience, then you already know what that inner feeling of the Presence is, and so the veil is becoming thinner and thinner. And yet, it has not lifted because there’s still a you sitting there feeling the Presence. And yet, you cannot go beyond the veil until you’ve had the experience promised in the 1955 Kailua study series. You must have that experience first, which is why it was presented to you first so that you would have ample time to practice until the experience of the Presence of the living Spirit filled your being.
Now there is another step, the next step, the uncomfortable step. Joel hinted at it in that same Kailua study series when he said: Eventually, and he did it very quick at the end of the talk, just a paragraph or two at the most. He said, “eventually you’ll have to learn to do this also with the good things, not just with the problems.” In other words, when you’re looking at a sunset, when you’re looking at your spouse, your granddaughter, your grandson, your grandma, when you’re looking at a promotion, when you’re looking at a seminar, a spiritual seminar, when you’re looking at a beautiful lake – you’re to do the same thing. Close your mind. Close it to those concepts, the same as you would for a problem and simply turn within and open your spiritual discernment and wait. Stand stock still.
You are now to experience the crucifixion so that the veil will be lifted so that you may also experience the ascension on a permanent basis. But first the crucifixion. First you must become the living demonstration of someone who no longer knows any truth. You must become the living embodiment of one who rises over knowing anything with the mind. You must become a complete and total nothing, a state of receptivity, an utter and complete silence, a window to the Soul. And in the crucifixion of the mind I reveals Itself.
I cannot tell you ahead of time what the crucifixion will be to you, but I can tell you what it felt – what the experience was when I had it. Suddenly the Presence was there. I felt it, and I was realizing, resting in “I am in the Father and the Father in me, and I am One.” And the Presence spread throughout my body. I felt it. I felt that tingling Presence as my Presence. I and the Presence were one. And suddenly it filled the room I was in, and I and the Presence, that tingling light being was the only being, and I Am That. And suddenly it filled the house, and I knew I Am That, and I am infinite, and I knew conscious awareness was about to go infinite. And I, that infinite being, I Am. And there was no more me. There was infinite I, One. One being, one presence, one light, one life, one Self. Infinite eternal God. And there was a sense of be still and know I am God.
And this is an experience, and how your experience, what your experience is when the veil is lifted and there’s no more me and God, but only God, I can’t tell you what it will be. I can only tell you that it must be, and for this cause came ye into the world, that you might know God, whom to know aright is eternal life. And when the veil is lifted you will know “I am God, and beside Me there is no other, and I am Infinite, and I am Eternal, and I am beyond the beyond, and I am Omnipresence Itself.” And there you will find in that ‘now’ the mind, the little tiny mind that thought it knew something, is crucified. It’s gone, and the infinite Mind which was in Christ Jesus, the Omniscience Itself, is flowing. And you will discover that you live and move and have your being in this infinite consciousness.
And as we learned in the Healing Talks, any problem presented to consciousness – there’s no one to heal. How can there be someone to heal when I am Omnipresence? No. When someone calls or writes or asks for help, this is a concept presented to consciousness. You are to know no truth. You are to be still and behold truth knowing you. And as the crucifixion becomes complete, any good that is presented, as soon as you recognize it’s good being presented, you do the same thing. You stand still. You know nothing. You listen, and the Spirit makes intercession. Consciousness reveals Itself.
You have no more healing work. You have only to listen and behold consciousness revealing Itself. And as you crucify in each meditation the mind, then consciousness reveals its infinite nature, its infinite being always expressed as I AM. And it takes you and it dissolves you and it reveals I in the midst of thee am the only and the one Presence.
Joel describes this in this chapter Truth Unveiled as the Sabbath. See if you – well, see if you can feel this.
There must come a rest from the activity of the mind: taking thought for our life, fearing for our life, constantly knowing … truth … . There must come a Sabbath, and in this Sabbath [here] we live by Grace, because then we do not know [anymore] truth … [now] Truth reveals Itself … and we become the Truth [living Itself]. It is not an activity of the mind: it is Soul revealing Itself.
And finally over here he says:
As you have learned to work hard and long with the principles of The Infinite Way, [now, in this crucifixion] … you must learn to stop doing this … [you must] say to yourself, “Let me not trust in [the] … mind. Let me relax in God.”
And again he says:
You students who are ready for the Sabbath [that is, ready for the crucifixion and the ascension,] [you] must … [learn] … to rest back in [the] … realization: “Let my Soul take over [not the] … mind.”
For six days [he says] you have labored to study and train yourself, and those “six days,” … are for most of you many, many years. But there comes a rest …; [there comes the seventh day] there comes the Sabbath; and that is when you stop … metaphysical struggling … [you stop,] relax, and let Grace [let Consciousness] live [Itself] … .
And so The Infinite Way is designed, was designed to take us through the letter to the Spirit, to take us through the six days of labor to the seventh day, the Sabbath. To take us from the law of the mind to the Grace of God. To take us from knowing the truth to being the truth. To take us from the outside God and the concepts of God and the various myriad beliefs of Gods through the crucifixion, rising above knowing the truth, rising above the mind to an awareness of infinite spiritual being to the I that I am.
And consequently he tried to show us by putting that ascension and the experience of this ascension as the last chapter in his book The Infinite Way. After the chapter The New Horizon comes the chapter The New Jerusalem, and do you remember where we are told in Revelation that I saw a new Jerusalem coming down from heaven. Now the new Jerusalem is the new dispensation that comes out of the Consciousness which is in heaven. When the crucifixion is really complete and you have risen above a mind that knows anything, then Consciousness lives itself, reveals itself, expresses itself as the new Jerusalem, a new heaven, a new earth, a new Self, an infinite Self, I.
And so having experienced it, he gives us this:
“The FORMER THINGS have passed away,” and “all things are become new …. Whereas I was blind, now I see,” and not “through a glass, darkly,” but “face to face.” [Yes, the veil has been lifted.] Yes, even in my flesh, I have seen God. The hills have rolled away, and there is no more horizon, but the light of heaven makes all things plain.
Long have I sought thee, O Jerusalem, but only now have my pilgrim feet touched the soil of heaven. The waste places are no more. Fertile lands are before me, the like of which I have never dreamed. Oh, truly “There shall be no night there.” The glory of it shines as the noonday sun, and there is no need of light for God is the light thereof.
I sit down to rest. In the shade of the trees, I rest and [I] find my peace in Thee. Within Thy grace is peace, O Lord. In the world I was weary – in Thee I have found rest.
In the dense forest of words I was lost; in the letter of truth was tiredness and fear, but in Thy Spirit only [is] … shade and water and rest.
How far have I wandered [from Thee] from Thy Spirit, O Tender One and True, how far, how far! How deeply lost in the maze of words, words, words! But now am I returned, and in Thy Spirit shall I ever find my life, my peace, my strength. Thy Spirit is the bread of life, finding which I shall never hunger. Thy Spirit is a wellspring of water, and drinking it I shall never thirst.”
And see, Spirit is Thy Consciousness, Thy being, Thy Spirit which is the I of me, the I of you, the infinite I.
“As a weary wanderer I have sought Thee, and now my weariness is gone. Thy Spirit has formed a tent for me, and in its cool shade I linger and peace fills my Soul. Thy presence has filled me with peace. Thy love has placed before me a feast of Spirit. Yea, Thy Spirit is my resting place, an oasis in the desert of the letter of truth.
In Thee will I hide from the noise of the world of argument; in Thy consciousness [see – Thy consciousness above the mind – in Thy consciousness] find surcease from the noisomeness of men’s tongues. They divide Thy garment, O Lord of Peace, they quarrel over Thy word – yea, until it becomes words and no longer … Word.
As a beggar have I sought the new heaven and the new earth, and Thou hast made me heir of all.
How shall I stand before Thee but in silence? How shall I honor Thee but in the meditation of mine heart?
Praise and thanksgiving Thou seekest not, but the understanding heart Thou receivest.
I will keep silent before Thee. My Soul and my Spirit and my silence shall be Thy dwelling place. [Again, my silence from that mind shall be Thy dwelling place.] Thy Spirit shall fill my meditation, and it shall make me and preserve me whole. O Thou Tender One and True – I am home in Thee.”
And so do you see how he waxed poetic when he experienced the ascension and the stillness and the peace and the oneness of I? And finally we have John describing the same experience as he witnessed it. This is John, chapter 1 of course.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
And now you see the Word to John is: Above the mind that knows anything is the Word which reveals Itself in a moment of silence. And so he says:
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
The same was in the beginning with God.
All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
In him was life; and the life was the light of men. …
He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
But for you, my dear friends, you will receive him.
[And] … as many as received him, to them [gives] … he [the] power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on [him] …”
And so if you will step into this crucifixion willingly, knowing that it will hurt. Mind does not want to be crucified, but if you will step into the crucifixion, go through it, stand ye still, then you will have the power. You will become an expression of God, God Itself expressing.
[You will be] “born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
And the Word [will be] … made flesh, and [dwell] … among us, (and we [will behold] … [the] … glory, … as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”
And do you see John is describing the same experience, the experience of crucifixion, which he also went through, he and Joel, and the experience of the ascension. Now do you see why these talks are so uncomfortable? Because inevitably this is the path which Christ Jesus laid before us so that we may follow. Pick up our cross and follow and be crucified and rise again and experience a new Self, an infinite Self, an eternal Self. One divine, infinite, spiritual omnipresent Self as an experience, as a reality. Not something you can describe. Not something the mind can discuss. Something spiritually discerned.
So I invite you all, and we’re going to close with one more time realizing this:
“Jesus’ [the Christ’s] realization of the need to crucify, or rise above, the … mortal sense of self, [the mortal mind which knows truth] enabled him to make the ascension. The ascension is always the same: a rising above mind, above knowing the truth, to Truth Itself.”
This journey is really an Infinite Way. This journey leads you out of mortality, out of a mind that can know mortality, into an eternal everywhere Self. And there is but one Self, and I, the I of you, am That.